Taking Care of Yourself

Self-care is a term that is often thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean? In today’s busy world, some people seem to really struggle with self-care. They feel overwhelmed, depressed, anxious or maybe they do not feel like they themselves are worth taking care of. Whatever the case may be, if we want to live a life that we feel good about, self-care is fundamental.

As far as I understand it, self-care is any activity that you do to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. It can be something as simple as taking a break from work to go for a brief walk, or something more involved like going to therapy. Fundamentally, self-care is knowing how to take care of yourself (the opposite of learned helplessness) rather than relying on others to save you. 

There are many benefits to engaging in self-care. It can help you reduce stress, improve your mood and health. It can allow you to feel more independent and self-reliant. It can help you sleep better, improve your relationships with others and yourself and be more productive in your work.

There are many different ways to practice self-care. Some common activities include:

• Exercise

• Eating healthy foods

• Getting enough sleep

• Spending time with people who make you feel good

• Practicing relaxation techniques, such as stretching or meditation

• Reading

• Taking a bath or shower

• Going for a walk or bike ride

• Listening to music

• Doing something creative, such as painting or writing

It is important to find self-care activities that work for you and that you enjoy doing. There is no one right way to do self-care. What matters is that you are taking some time for yourself each and every day to relax, recharge and maybe even feel inspired.

If you are struggling to find time for self-care, here are a few tips that I have found helpful:

• Schedule it into your day. Just like you would schedule any other important appointment, make sure to schedule some time for self-care each day. For example, I schedule in an hour of reading time each day (no matter how busy I am) because I know that I will feel less happy and more mentally scattered if I do not read.

• Make it a priority. Self-care should be something that you do for yourself, even if you don't feel like it.

• Don't be afraid to say no. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it is okay to say no to commitments that will take away from your self-care time. If others can not support you in doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, maybe it would be good for you to reevaluate the relationship.

• Be patient. It takes time to find self-care activities that work for you. Don't be discouraged if you don't find the right thing right away. You can start by just taking a fifteen minute walk by yourself a few times a week.

Self-care is an important part of a mentally and physically healthy lifestyle. When we are stressed out or less healthy, self-care is usually the first thing to go out the window. By taking some amount of time for yourself each day to do the things you enjoy, you will improve your physical, emotional, and mental health. An additional benefit of self-care is that you will also prove to yourself that you can do it, which will increase your confidence and feelings of self-worth.

Mental Health Matters: Supporting Emotional Wellbeing and Recovery

Times are tough. Things are quite precarious. We all face the difficulties of economic and social instability. We are just beginning to wrap our brains around the toll the Covid pandemic has taken on our world. As a result, the topic of mental health has become increasingly more prevalent. Social media platforms highlight the positive aspects of life, yet many people are experiencing anxiety, depression and trauma. With the rise of mental health issues around the world, it is important for each individual and governments to now prioritize emotional wellbeing and recovery.

The pressures of contemporary life can make it difficult for individuals to process their feelings and emotions. This can result in the abundance of distraction available online, including social media, streaming platforms, video games, pornography, the news or even just surfing the internet aimlessly. While these activities can provide entertainment and a temporary distraction, they also have the potential to severely exacerbate mental health issues. Therefore, it is even more important now than ever, for individuals to dedicate time to self-reflection, meditation, mindfulness, and self-care practices that allow them to address and understand their emotional needs fully. (Tomorrow I will be sending out a post on how to engage in self-care.)

One major aspect of emotional wellbeing is dealing with trauma and its consequences, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In my work with clients, PTSD has been the main mental illness causing condition I have come across. We all deal with PTSD in some form now as a result of the Covid pandemic. Individuals can recover from traumas by seeking professional help, attending support groups, and practicing mindfulness while meditating, yoga, or through journaling. Trauma healing requires time and patience, but individuals do have the power to feel better through the support of loved ones, seeking therapy, and engaging in self-care routines.

Mental health awareness and support are essential not only for the individual affected but also for the people around them. While introverted individuals enjoy their time alone, they still need to prioritize social connections in their lives and form healthy relationships. Similarly, society needs to eliminate the stigma around anxiety and depression once and for all. It is not uncommon at all for individuals to feel overwhelmed, depressed and anxious- especially considering the challenges that the world throws our way these days.

As I wrote about in my earlier essay on gaslighting, it also is important to establish a conversation around gaslighting awareness and the importance of seeking professional help. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. It is a significant root cause of mental health issues and anxiety. Thus everyone must call out gaslighters and develop healthier coping mechanisms such as therapy, self-care, and mindfulness, or just simply seeking the support of friends and family.

Mental health matters now more than ever and should be a priority in an individual's life. With the right support from friends, family, and mental health practitioners, individuals can take care of their emotional wellbeing and achieve full recovery from traumas or mental health disorders. While it may be a long journey, taking the first step is crucial, whether that's seeking therapy, meditating, relaxing more (without distractions), going for walks, eating better or journaling to process and regulate emotions. The key takeaway is for individuals to make small changes in their daily lives and hold themselves accountable for their emotional wellbeing. With support and consistency we can recover from mental illness and live a more mentally healthy (stable) life.

If you would like to begin working on your mental health, please feel free to schedule a session with me.

Managing Mental Chatter

“Interrupt your negative chains of thought by forcing yourself to visualize the crazy sweet adventures you plan to enjoy someday.” -Robert Anton Wilson

Mental chatter, also known as inner monologue or self-talk, is the constant (and often negative) stream of thoughts that goes on in everyone’s minds. It’s a natural part of being human and can be either helpful or detrimental to our well-being. Managing mental chatter is important because it can impact our relationships, ability to focus, mood, financial situations, overall productivity, confidence, decision-making and overall health.

The first and most important step in managing mental chatter is to become aware of it. If you are not aware of it, you are caught up in it like a prisoner in chains. This alone is a very stressful experience. Take note of the thoughts that run through your mind. Become self-aware (even if just for a minute). Are your thoughts positive, negative, or neutral? Are they productive or unproductive? Being willing to analyze your mental chatter in this way can help you to identify patterns in your thinking, which can then be addressed.

Another strategy for managing mental chatter is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves focusing our attention on purpose in the present moment and letting go of judgments, worries, fears and distractions. By practicing mindfulness, we can become more aware of our thoughts without becoming chained to them. This means we can better observe our mental chatter, which then gives us the ability to do something about it.

Another technique I have been experimenting with to help manage my own mental chatter is to challenge my negative thoughts. Negative self-talk is a common form of mental chatter that can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, isolation and low self-esteem. When negative thoughts arise, I try to ask myself if what I am thinking about is really true or if it is just a personal judgement? I try to find some evidence to support that what I am thinking about. If there isn’t any evidence, I try to replace these thoughts with something more positive and realistic.

In addition to these strategies, it’s important to take care of our physical health as well. There is plenty of research to support just how damaging chronic mental chatter is for our health. Some argue that uncontrolled mental chatter is worse for our health than not exercising. I would say that mental chatter can lead to a lack of exercise, since the individual is spending more time in their head. Exercise, getting enough sleep and eating a healthy diet can all help to reduce stress and improve our mental well-being. When our bodies are in better shape, when we learn how to take better care of ourselves, our minds are better equipped to manage mental chatter.

Managing mental chatter is an often underrated and important part of maintaining our mental, physical and emotional health. By becoming aware of our thoughts, practicing mindfulness, challenging negative self-talk, and taking care of our physical health, we can learn to better manage our mental chatter. It is far from impossible to do this. Just requires some effort on our part (as do all forms of self-care). Ultimately, making this effort can lead to greater feelings of well-being, healthier relationships and an increased sense of control over our thoughts and emotions. I think it is worth the investment.

Gaslighting 101

So what exactly is gaslighting? We hear this term thrown around a lot these days, so I thought I would take a quick deep dive into what gaslighting actually is.

Gaslighting is a term used to describe a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from a 1938 play, "Gas Light," in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own sanity by dimming the gas lights in their home while denying that the light level has changed.

Gaslighting behavior can range from subtle and insidious to overt and dangerous. It is often employed by abusers, narcissists, sociopaths, and cult leaders to gain control over their victims by distorting reality and undermining their sense of self. This can take many different forms, including lying, denying, deflecting, minimizing, and blaming, as well as withholding information, love, and support.

One of the most insidious effects of gaslighting is that it can cause the targeted person to doubt their own grip on reality. Individuals may begin to second-guess their own perceptions, memories, and experiences, and may feel they are losing their sense of self. This can lead them to question their own judgment, feel isolated, lose a sense of self-worth and strangely enough become even more dependent on the gaslighter for validation and support.

Gaslighters often target specific vulnerabilities in their victims, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or trauma, to more effectively manipulate them. They may also use subtle cues and microaggressions to gradually erode their victim's confidence and self-worth over time. The effects of gaslighting can be profound and long-lasting, often leading to anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This in turn has a profound effect on a person’s health.

One of the most important things to remember about gaslighting is that it is a form of abuse. It is not the victim's fault, and it is not a reflection of their worth or intelligence. Gaslighting is a dangerous and insidious form of psychological manipulation that can have profound and long-lasting effects on people. It is important to recognize the signs of gaslighting and to seek help and support if you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslit. By raising awareness about gaslighting, we can help make people more aware and hopefully prevent this form of abuse in the future.

Destructive Logic and Mental Health

Destructive logic is something that individuals often engage in without knowing it. It can have a significant impact on mental health. Destructive logic is a cycle of negative thoughts and beliefs that can make individuals feel helpless and trapped. Destructive logic is characterized by a focus on negative experiences, events, and feelings, and an inability to see any positive aspects or outcomes (negative self-talk). The daily use of destructive logic can lead to a variety of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation.

Destructive logic can often feel like the norm. Negative thoughts can be so pervasive that they begin to feel like facts. When this takes over, individuals may start to believe that they have no control over their circumstances. This can lead to a sense of hopelessness, meaninglessness and despair, which will further exacerbate mental health issues.

Someone who has experienced one or many traumatic events, may engage in destructive logic without knowing it. They may have developed the belief that they will never be able to recover from the trauma. They may focus on the negative aspects of the event, such as the hurt and fear they experienced, and overlook any positive outcomes or personal growth that may have resulted from the experience. This often will lead a person to feelings of helplessness, isolation, nihilism and major depression.

Destructive logic can effect how individuals interpret and respond to situations. It can result in a tendency to catastrophize, where individuals assume the worst-case scenario will always occur. If we catastrophize often, this may cause a person to live a life filled with chronic anxiety, panic attacks, depression and poor decision making about their life. Catastrophizing is a common thing people do when they live with unresolved trauma.

Mental health professionals often use cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help individuals with destructive thinking patterns. CBT helps individuals learn to identify and challenge these negative thoughts, replacing them with more positive ones. This can help individuals to see the world in a less negative light, improve their coping skills, and develop more positive self-talk, ultimately improving their mental health.

Mindfulness is an additional way to help those who deal with destructive logic. By becoming more aware of our thought patterns we can gain more control over navigating our attention into the present moment when our thoughts become too negative. By being present in the here and right now, we can reduce the negative effects that destructive logic can have upon our lives. 

Destructive logic can have a profound impact on our mental health. In my work as a mental health counselor, I see how destructive logic causes individuals to hold negative beliefs, feelings of hopelessness, and a lack of control over their circumstances. This often leads people into major depression. But this way of thinking and feeling can be managed and minimized. Identifying and challenging these negative thoughts through counseling, support, journaling, meditation and other forms of self-care can be incredibly helpful in overcoming destructive logic and its impact on our mental health.

Be Here Now

In our fast-paced world filled with constant distractions and stressors, it can be challenging to stay present and focused in the moment. It's easy to get caught up in worries about the future, regrets about the past or simply to let our minds wander off to anything and everything except for what is happening right in front of us.

In the midst of this, there is a powerful idea that has gained popularity over the past several decades: "Be here now." This simple phrase encapsulates the idea that the present moment is all we have, and that we should focus our attention and energy on being fully present in the here and now. I don’t know about you but I’ve never been to the future or the past- but the present moment is always right where I am.

At its core, the concept of "Be here now" is about mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment without judgment. It involves being fully engaged with our current experience, whether that's watching a sunset, having a conversation, driving in traffic or noticing the various physical sensations in our body.

One of the benefits of mindfulness is that it can help us to reduce stress and anxiety. I like to think of mindfulness as natural anxiety medication. When we're focused on the present moment, we're not worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. We're simply experiencing what is happening right now. That’s it. This can be incredibly calming and grounding, especially in moments where we feel overwhelmed or anxious.

In addition to reducing stress, mindfulness can also help us to be more productive and effective in our daily lives. When we're focused on the present moment, we're less likely to be distracted by other things. We're able to fully engage with the task at hand, whether that's work, driving, learning or engaging in a hobby.

Of course, being present in the moment is easier said than done. Our minds are wired to constantly search for new experiences and stimulation, and it can be difficult to resist the urge to check our phones, scroll through social media or think about anything other than what's happening right now.

But mindfulness is a skill that can be developed with practice. There are many different techniques and exercises that can help us to cultivate mindfulness, from simply becoming aware of your breathing when you are walking, showering, working or driving to more structured meditations. Whatever method you choose, the key is to make a commitment to being present in the moment and to intentionally direct your attention to what's happening right here and right now. Can you feel your foot on the ground?

The idea of "Be here now" is one that I have found helpful ever since reading Ram Dass’s book by the same title. It is a simple but powerful concept that can help us to live more fulfilling and mindful lives. By focusing our attention on the present moment and intentionally practicing mindfulness, we can reduce stress, improve productivity, combat anxiety and depression and bring a sense of mental health to our lives.

The Acceptance Of What Is

The acceptance of what is can be a difficult and challenging task for many of us. It can often feel counterintuitive to accept what is. It is human nature to resist change, to hold on to the past, and to try to control everything around us. However, the truth of the matter is that we cannot control everything, and we cannot change the past. When we accept what is, we are freeing ourselves from the constraints of trying to control the uncontrollable.

There are several ways in which the acceptance of what is can enhance our well-being. Firstly, accepting what is promotes inner calm and reduces anxiety. When we accept what is, we are no longer fighting against (or trying to escape) reality. We can let go of the constant need to control everything. This allows us to release the tension and stress that we’ve been holding onto and achieve a more peaceful state of mind.

Secondly, accepting what is can help us move forward and make positive changes. It is often when we are resisting reality that we become stuck, unwell and we cannot move forward. We keep trying to find happiness or well-being by striving for it rather than accepting what is and allowing the happiness or feelings of well-being to arise naturally. When we accept that something is (depression, anger, unhappiness, anxiety, illness, etc.) we can focus our energy and efforts on then gradually making positive changes in our lives. This enables us to find innovative solutions to our problems and take action towards achieving a better life for ourselves.

Moreover, accepting what is can also improve our relationships with others. When we resist reality, we tend to blame and criticize others for our problems, which can lead to arguments and misunderstandings. However, when we accept what is, we become more understanding and empathetic towards others, and we can work together to find solutions to our problems.

I have found that accepting what is is a crucial (and often counterintuitive) step towards achieving inner peace, moving forward, healing and building healthy relationships. It is not easy, but it is a skill that we can develop over time with practice and patience. By embracing what is, we can free ourselves from the constraints of control and resistance, open our minds and embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth.

Using Mindfulness To Treat Depression

Depression is a serious mental illness affecting millions of people worldwide. Common symptoms of depression include sadness, lack of energy, loss of interest in daily activities, and feelings of hopelessness or helplessness. Numerous treatments for depression have been developed including medication, psychotherapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy. However, in recent years, mindfulness is being used more as a highly effective treatment for depression.

Mindfulness is a practice that involves bringing attention to the present moment while accepting any thoughts, feelings, or sensations in a non-judgmental way. It is often associated with meditation, but mindfulness can also be practiced while engaging in everyday activities, such as walking or eating. Mindfulness-based interventions typically include guided meditations, gentle stretching or yoga, or discussions to help individuals learn how to stay present, engage in self-reflection, and develop awareness of their emotions.

Several studies have examined the effectiveness of mindfulness-based interventions for treating depression, and many have found promising results. For instance, a study conducted by Segal and colleagues (2010) demonstrated that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) was as effective as medication for treating depression in participants with a history of depression who were currently in remission. MBCT was found to be superior to other treatments in preventing the recurrence of depression.

Another study conducted by Hofmann and colleagues (2010) found that mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) was associated with significant reductions in depressive symptoms in patients with chronic medical conditions. The authors also found that the benefits of MBSR were maintained over time, even six months after the intervention ended.

There are several ways in which mindfulness may help alleviate depression symptoms. Mindfulness can help individuals accept difficult experiences and make peace with them, rather than getting stuck in negative thought patterns. By focusing attention on the present moment, individuals can learn to disengage from ruminating on past events or worrying about the future. This can help reduce feelings of anxiety and distress.

In addition, mindfulness can help individuals develop a sense of calm and serenity, which can be helpful in managing the overwhelming emotions that often accompany depression. By increasing self-awareness, mindfulness can help individuals identify negative thoughts or beliefs that contribute to depressive symptoms and work to challenge and reframe them.

Using mindfulness as a treatment for depression is showing promising results. While more research is needed to fully understand the mechanisms through which mindfulness influences depressive symptoms, it is clear that mindfulness based interventions can help individuals develop skills that are useful in decreasing the crippling effects of depression.