In this podcast I am being interviewed about how attorneys can better use mindfulness to keep their stress levels down. It is an interesting conversation and I appreciate the opportunity to think out loud about this subject.
Changing My Mindset: How I Killed Anxiety
*The above picture of me is from when my agoraphobia and anxiety was at its worst.
I am not writing this to toot my own horn. Well maybe a bit, because I am impressed by my own accomplishment. I am not sure I even fully understand it yet. I pulled off what I once thought was impossible and I wanted to share it with you. The proof is in the pudding, right?
I don’t know when it began, probably at birth. I came from a Jewish family with high anxiety levels. Jews are known for having high anxiety- just watch Curb Your Enthusiasm. That is what I came from. I remember being very young and at a roller skating rink. Suddenly, I felt overcome with a wave of horrifying fear. I ran outside to throw up and then was taken home and put to bed. It was my first confrontation with an anxiety attack. I was about nine or ten at the time and had no idea that that would be the first of hundreds of panic attacks that would follow.
It was in my mid-twenties, with the pressures of adulthood beating down upon my head, that I began having severe anxiety attacks. The kind that forced me to pull my car off to the side of the road and take off running. The kind that kept me waiting outside emergency rooms, with my heart racing (I would stand outside of emergency rooms whenever I felt panic attacks coming on. Just in case). The kind that forced me to drop out of a graduate program because I was too afraid to drive to school and be surrounded by people. It sucked.
My thirties were spent on and off medication. I was in therapy. I studied mindfulness and meditated a lot. I went on mindfulness meditation retreats. It was very hard for me to just sit there in silence and listen to my heart beating without thinking about the fact that it could just stop, and that would be the end of me. Sometimes this thought would induce panic and I would have to get up and leave the meditation hall in the middle of the meditation session (which was humiliating).
Ironically, I was later diagnosed with a heart condition, which turned me into a full on cardiophobic. Any hint of my heart beating unusually would send me into a panic (few things are more frightening than a panic attack when your heart is already beating fast and irregular). I was terrified all the time. There was a park about a half a mile from my home. I was so agoraphobic that I had to put xanax in my pocket and drive my car to the park so that I could go for a walk around the park. I rarely made it far from my car. Those closest to me at this time can tell you- I was paralyzed.
And then I got diagnosed with cancer and had to have a tumor removed. Up until this point I had made all the efforts to be healthy. I ate organic food. Even macrobiotic. I exercised daily. I abstained from most processed foods. Drank a lot of green powder. Did detoxes and flushes. Slept with crystals under my bed and wore various necklaces to protect myself from electromagnetic and bluetooth frequencies. But I was the one who got cancer and almost died. Go figure.
When I went in for my surgery I was terrified. Would I survive? But strangely and from out of nowhere I remembered what one of my meditation teachers said to me a long time ago, “Let go and surrender to what is. Stop fighting.” (I am paraphrasing- what he said sounded much more profound). So I gave up. I no longer cared and let whatever was going to happen happen. Bring on the surgery. Lets do it. This is how I learned to kill anxiety.
I not only came through that surgery with no more cancer in my body, but I had also lost my anxiety (I think anxiety is caring too much about certain things). I had stopped caring whether I lived or died. I surrendered to the possibility of dying and I survived. I had confronted my worst fear and was ok. My extreme anxiety dissipated like rain off of a hot pavement.
After my recovery, I felt the absence of a fear of death, which I had carried all my life. I no longer cared if I lived or I died. I was here now and that was what was important. What would happen, would happen. I stopped worrying about my health and everything else. I was no longer afraid to go on long walks far from home, go to the dentist and get teeth pulled or keep my bluetooth on in my pocket. I was no longer afraid of driving in a car alone. I went back and finished my graduate degree a decade and a half later. I could take risks I could have never imagined before. I could do things without being tormented by anxiety, and without needing any meds. We have no clue how much anxiety limits our lives when we are in it. We just grow withdrawn, fearful and overly protected. We cut ourselves off from living. What did all the protection and fear do for me? I got cancer. Anxiety is such a thief.
Now in my early fifties, I am not limited by anxiety at all. I live a normal and functional life. I have not had a panic attack in years. If I feel anxiety coming on (which I do not really anymore), I don't care. We all have to die sometime. I’ve made my peace. I am not worried about it. I no longer fear the physical sensations and feelings of anxiety. I just say to the anxiety, “Bring it on,” and then the anxiety fades away. I can drive wherever, walk wherever and do whatever. I can sit there and meditate with my heart racing and not care one bit. It is quite the accomplishment I think and all it took was changing my mindset.
Taking Care of Yourself
Self-care is a term that is often thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean? In today’s busy world, some people seem to really struggle with self-care. They feel overwhelmed, depressed, anxious or maybe they do not feel like they themselves are worth taking care of. Whatever the case may be, if we want to live a life that we feel good about, self-care is fundamental.
As far as I understand it, self-care is any activity that you do to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. It can be something as simple as taking a break from work to go for a brief walk, or something more involved like going to therapy. Fundamentally, self-care is knowing how to take care of yourself (the opposite of learned helplessness) rather than relying on others to save you.
There are many benefits to engaging in self-care. It can help you reduce stress, improve your mood and health. It can allow you to feel more independent and self-reliant. It can help you sleep better, improve your relationships with others and yourself and be more productive in your work.
There are many different ways to practice self-care. Some common activities include:
Exercise
Eating healthy foods
Getting enough sleep
Spending time with people who make you feel good
Practicing relaxation techniques, such as stretching or meditation
Reading
Taking a bath or shower
Going for a walk or bike ride
Listening to music
Doing something creative, such as painting or writing
It is important to find self-care activities that work for you and that you enjoy doing. There is no one right way to do self-care. What matters is that you are taking some time for yourself each and every day to relax, recharge and maybe even feel inspired.
If you are struggling to find time for self-care, here are a few tips that I have found helpful:
Schedule it into your day. Just like you would schedule any other important appointment, make sure to schedule some time for self-care each day. For example, I schedule in an hour of reading time each day (no matter how busy I am) because I know that I will feel less happy and more mentally scattered if I do not read.
Make it a priority. Self-care should be something that you do for yourself, even if you don't feel like it.
Don't be afraid to say no. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it is okay to say no to commitments that will take away from your self-care time. If others can not support you in doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, maybe it would be good for you to reevaluate the relationship.
Be patient. It takes time to find self-care activities that work for you. Don't be discouraged if you don't find the right thing right away. You can start by just taking a fifteen minute walk by yourself a few times a week.
Self-care is an important part of a mentally and physically healthy lifestyle. When we are stressed out or less healthy, self-care is usually the first thing to go out the window. By taking some amount of time for yourself each day to do the things you enjoy, you will improve your physical, emotional, and mental health. An additional benefit of self-care is that you will also prove to yourself that you can do it, which will increase your confidence and feelings of self-worth.
Managing Mental Chatter
“Interrupt your negative chains of thought by forcing yourself to visualize the crazy sweet adventures you plan to enjoy someday.” -Robert Anton Wilson
Mental chatter, also known as inner monologue or self-talk, is the constant (and often negative) stream of thoughts that goes on in everyone’s minds. It’s a natural part of being human and can be either helpful or detrimental to our well-being. Managing mental chatter is important because it can impact our relationships, ability to focus, mood, financial situations, overall productivity, confidence, decision-making and overall health.
The first and most important step in managing mental chatter is to become aware of it. If you are not aware of it, you are caught up in it like a prisoner in chains. This alone is a very stressful experience. Take note of the thoughts that run through your mind. Become self-aware (even if just for a minute). Are your thoughts positive, negative, or neutral? Are they productive or unproductive? Being willing to analyze your mental chatter in this way can help you to identify patterns in your thinking, which can then be addressed.
Another strategy for managing mental chatter is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves focusing our attention on purpose in the present moment and letting go of judgments, worries, fears and distractions. By practicing mindfulness, we can become more aware of our thoughts without becoming chained to them. This means we can better observe our mental chatter, which then gives us the ability to do something about it.
Another technique I have been experimenting with to help manage my own mental chatter is to challenge my negative thoughts. Negative self-talk is a common form of mental chatter that can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, isolation and low self-esteem. When negative thoughts arise, I try to ask myself if what I am thinking about is really true or if it is just a personal judgement? I try to find some evidence to support that what I am thinking about. If there isn’t any evidence, I try to replace these thoughts with something more positive and realistic.
In addition to these strategies, it’s important to take care of our physical health as well. There is plenty of research to support just how damaging chronic mental chatter is for our health. Some argue that uncontrolled mental chatter is worse for our health than not exercising. I would say that mental chatter can lead to a lack of exercise, since the individual is spending more time in their head. Exercise, getting enough sleep and eating a healthy diet can all help to reduce stress and improve our mental well-being. When our bodies are in better shape, when we learn how to take better care of ourselves, our minds are better equipped to manage mental chatter.
Managing mental chatter is an often underrated and important part of maintaining our mental, physical and emotional health. By becoming aware of our thoughts, practicing mindfulness, challenging negative self-talk, and taking care of our physical health, we can learn to better manage our mental chatter. It is far from impossible to do this. Just requires some effort on our part (as do all forms of self-care). Ultimately, making this effort can lead to greater feelings of well-being, healthier relationships and an increased sense of control over our thoughts and emotions. I think it is worth the investment.
Depressed In Spring
In certain circles it is often referred to as “Black Spring.” Various authors, including Henry Miller, have written about it.
Depression can be a difficult condition to manage, regardless of the season. However, with the arrival of spring, depression can take on a darker dimension. While for many people spring signifies a time of renewal and rejuvenation, for others it can be a season of heightened sadness and despair.
The reasons for feeling depressed in spring can be varied and sometimes difficult to pinpoint. One common factor is the change in weather. While the arrival of warmer temperatures and longer days can be a welcome change for many, for others it can lead to feelings of restlessness, agitation, and exhaustion. For people with clinical depression, the pressure to be happy and energetic during a time when everyone else seems to be experiencing a newfound sense of vitality can exacerbate these feelings, leading to a sense of isolation and loneliness.
Another factor is the increase in social expectations that come with the season. Spring is often associated with outdoor activities, socializing and attending events with family and friends. For those who are struggling with depression, the thought of engaging in these types of activities can be overwhelming and may exacerbate feelings of anxiety and guilt. They may find themselves missing the quarantine days when they didn’t have to show up to that party.
Spring can also bring up feelings of nostalgia and loss, particularly for those who have experienced trauma or grief. Seeing the world around them blossom, flourish and move on can be a harsh reminder of what has been lost, leading to feelings of helplessness and despair.
Managing depression in spring can be challenging, but it is important for individuals to seek support and create a self-care routine that works for them. This could mean engaging in light exercise, reading, stretching, setting realistic expectations for socializing and planning activities that have personal meaning and significance. Seeking professional help from a mental healthcare provider may also be beneficial, as they can help to support you and together you can come up with a treatment plan to help manage the depression.
While spring may bring joy to some, please remember that for others it can be a challenging time. Understanding the reasons why depression may worsen in the springtime is an important step in addressing depression and supporting those who may need extra support and empathy right now. With the right care and support, individuals can find ways to manage their depression and experience the beauty of spring without feeling so bad.
Gaslighting 101
So what exactly is gaslighting? We hear this term thrown around a lot these days, so I thought I would take a quick deep dive into what gaslighting actually is.
Gaslighting is a term used to describe a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from a 1938 play, "Gas Light," in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own sanity by dimming the gas lights in their home while denying that the light level has changed.
Gaslighting behavior can range from subtle and insidious to overt and dangerous. It is often employed by abusers, narcissists, sociopaths, and cult leaders to gain control over their victims by distorting reality and undermining their sense of self. This can take many different forms, including lying, denying, deflecting, minimizing, and blaming, as well as withholding information, love, and support.
One of the most insidious effects of gaslighting is that it can cause the targeted person to doubt their own grip on reality. Individuals may begin to second-guess their own perceptions, memories, and experiences, and may feel they are losing their sense of self. This can lead them to question their own judgment, feel isolated, lose a sense of self-worth and strangely enough become even more dependent on the gaslighter for validation and support.
Gaslighters often target specific vulnerabilities in their victims, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or trauma, to more effectively manipulate them. They may also use subtle cues and microaggressions to gradually erode their victim's confidence and self-worth over time. The effects of gaslighting can be profound and long-lasting, often leading to anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This in turn has a profound effect on a person’s health.
One of the most important things to remember about gaslighting is that it is a form of abuse. It is not the victim's fault, and it is not a reflection of their worth or intelligence. Gaslighting is a dangerous and insidious form of psychological manipulation that can have profound and long-lasting effects on people. It is important to recognize the signs of gaslighting and to seek help and support if you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslit. By raising awareness about gaslighting, we can help make people more aware and hopefully prevent this form of abuse in the future.
Destructive Logic and Mental Health
Destructive logic is something that individuals often engage in without knowing it. It can have a significant impact on mental health. Destructive logic is a cycle of negative thoughts and beliefs that can make individuals feel helpless and trapped. Destructive logic is characterized by a focus on negative experiences, events, and feelings, and an inability to see any positive aspects or outcomes (negative self-talk). The daily use of destructive logic can lead to a variety of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation.
Destructive logic can often feel like the norm. Negative thoughts can be so pervasive that they begin to feel like facts. When this takes over, individuals may start to believe that they have no control over their circumstances. This can lead to a sense of hopelessness, meaninglessness and despair, which will further exacerbate mental health issues.
Someone who has experienced one or many traumatic events, may engage in destructive logic without knowing it. They may have developed the belief that they will never be able to recover from the trauma. They may focus on the negative aspects of the event, such as the hurt and fear they experienced, and overlook any positive outcomes or personal growth that may have resulted from the experience. This often will lead a person to feelings of helplessness, isolation, nihilism and major depression.
Destructive logic can effect how individuals interpret and respond to situations. It can result in a tendency to catastrophize, where individuals assume the worst-case scenario will always occur. If we catastrophize often, this may cause a person to live a life filled with chronic anxiety, panic attacks, depression and poor decision making about their life. Catastrophizing is a common thing people do when they live with unresolved trauma.
Mental health professionals often use cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help individuals with destructive thinking patterns. CBT helps individuals learn to identify and challenge these negative thoughts, replacing them with more positive ones. This can help individuals to see the world in a less negative light, improve their coping skills, and develop more positive self-talk, ultimately improving their mental health.
Mindfulness is an additional way to help those who deal with destructive logic. By becoming more aware of our thought patterns we can gain more control over navigating our attention into the present moment when our thoughts become too negative. By being present in the here and right now, we can reduce the negative effects that destructive logic can have upon our lives.
Destructive logic can have a profound impact on our mental health. In my work as a mental health counselor, I see how destructive logic causes individuals to hold negative beliefs, feelings of hopelessness, and a lack of control over their circumstances. This often leads people into major depression. But this way of thinking and feeling can be managed and minimized. Identifying and challenging these negative thoughts through counseling, support, journaling, meditation and other forms of self-care can be incredibly helpful in overcoming destructive logic and its impact on our mental health.
The Acceptance Of What Is
The acceptance of what is can be a difficult and challenging task for many of us. It can often feel counterintuitive to accept what is. It is human nature to resist change, to hold on to the past, and to try to control everything around us. However, the truth of the matter is that we cannot control everything, and we cannot change the past. When we accept what is, we are freeing ourselves from the constraints of trying to control the uncontrollable.
There are several ways in which the acceptance of what is can enhance our well-being. Firstly, accepting what is promotes inner calm and reduces anxiety. When we accept what is, we are no longer fighting against (or trying to escape) reality. We can let go of the constant need to control everything. This allows us to release the tension and stress that we’ve been holding onto and achieve a more peaceful state of mind.
Secondly, accepting what is can help us move forward and make positive changes. It is often when we are resisting reality that we become stuck, unwell and we cannot move forward. We keep trying to find happiness or well-being by striving for it rather than accepting what is and allowing the happiness or feelings of well-being to arise naturally. When we accept that something is (depression, anger, unhappiness, anxiety, illness, etc.) we can focus our energy and efforts on then gradually making positive changes in our lives. This enables us to find innovative solutions to our problems and take action towards achieving a better life for ourselves.
Moreover, accepting what is can also improve our relationships with others. When we resist reality, we tend to blame and criticize others for our problems, which can lead to arguments and misunderstandings. However, when we accept what is, we become more understanding and empathetic towards others, and we can work together to find solutions to our problems.
I have found that accepting what is is a crucial (and often counterintuitive) step towards achieving inner peace, moving forward, healing and building healthy relationships. It is not easy, but it is a skill that we can develop over time with practice and patience. By embracing what is, we can free ourselves from the constraints of control and resistance, open our minds and embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth.
Spiritual Bypassing
Spiritual bypassing is a term used to describe a phenomenon where individuals use spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid facing and dealing with their emotional and psychological issues. It is a common defense mechanism that people use to avoid confronting pain, trauma, or difficult emotions. The saying, “That which we try not to think about or feel only grows larger,” is all too relevant when it comes to spiritual bypassing. As a Mental Health Counselor and Mindfulness Instructor, I try to help people avoid this problematic pitfall.
The concept of spiritual bypassing was first introduced by psychologist John Welwood in the 1980s. He observed that some individuals use spirituality as a way to bypass their emotional growth and remain trapped in a stagnant state of consciousness. Since then, many spiritual teachers, academics, philosophers and psychotherapists have explored the concept and its effects on individuals and spiritual communities. One of my favorites is called “Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism,” by Chogyam Trungpa.
Spiritual bypassing can manifest in various forms. Some people may use meditation or prayer as a way to escape from their problems, while others may use the teachings of their faith or spirituality to justify their negative behaviors or beliefs. Some may even use spiritual practices to feel superior or special, further avoiding their underlying issues. .
One of the critical aspects of spiritual bypassing is the avoidance of negative emotions. Instead of facing the pain, fear, emptiness or sadness- people may use positive affirmations or spiritual teachings to deny or suppress their emotions. This denial can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, anger, depression, as well as physical health issues.
Another consequence of spiritual bypassing is often the inability to form genuine connections with others. When individuals use spirituality to avoid their emotions, they may struggle to empathize with others' struggles or understand their own emotions. This leads to a lack of intimacy and genuine connection in their relationships, which can cause them to engage in spiritual bypassing even more. As a result, a person can feel dissociated from themselves and the world around them.
Spiritual bypassing can also create a spiritual community that is based on superficial positivity rather than authentic connection, acceptance and growth. It can lead to a culture where individuals are ostracized or shamed for expressing negative emotions or challenging spiritual norms, further perpetuating the cycle of avoidance.
When individuals use spirituality to escape from their emotional and psychological struggles, they can become disconnected from themselves. This can have far-reaching effects on their mental, physical, and spiritual well-being, as well as their relationships and connections with others. Recognizing and addressing spiritual bypassing for what it is, is crucial to fostering healthy relationships and authentic individual growth.
How To Escape A Drama Filled Society
Living in a drama-filled society can be exhausting and draining for anyone. It's no secret that drama often causes unnecessary stress, anxiety, and confusion, and it can be difficult to escape. However, there are a few steps you can take to remove yourself from the drama and create a more peaceful, stress-free life.
1. Identify the sources of drama:
The first step in escaping the drama of your society is to identify its sources. It may be certain friends, family members, or co-workers who create drama. Alternatively, it could be social media or news outlets that stir up emotions and create angst. Once you identify the causes of drama, it will be easier to avoid them and reduce their impact on your life.
2. Limit your exposure to drama:
Now that you've identified the sources of drama, take steps to limit your exposure to them. For example, if you have friends who constantly involve themselves in gossip and drama, you may need to distance yourself from them or set boundaries. Similarly, if social media causes negative emotions or triggers drama, take a break from those platforms.
3. Surround yourself with positivity:
To counteract the negativity and drama of your society, focus on surrounding yourself with positive people who bring you joy and make you feel good about yourself. This may mean finding new friends who share your values and interests or making time for self-care activities that boost your mood.
4. Practice mindfulness and self-care:
Mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga, and deep breathing can be helpful in reducing stress and anxiety. Self-care activities like taking a relaxing bath, reading a book, or going for a walk can also help reduce the impact of drama on your life.
5. Focus on what you can control:
Remember that while you can't control the drama in your society, you can control your reactions to it. Focus on the things you can control, such as how much time and energy you devote to drama, and let go of things you cannot control. By taking ownership of your own life, you'll reduce the impact of drama and create a more peaceful, fulfilling existence.
Escaping the drama of society takes effort, discipline and diligence, but it's worth it to create a more fulfilling and stress-free life. By identifying the sources of drama, limiting your exposure to them, surrounding yourself with positivity, practicing mindfulness and self-care, and focusing on what you can control, you can escape the drama and create a life that's full of peace, insight, creativity and well-being. Even in a society filled with transitory drama.
Mindfulness and Deep Work
Mindfulness and deep work are increasingly popular concepts in the modern world, particularly in the context of productivity and mental wellness. Mindfulness, which involves being present and non-judgmental in the moment, has been linked to a number of benefits including reduced stress and better focus. Deep work, on the other hand, refers to the ability to concentrate deeply on a task, minimizing distractions and maximizing productivity. In this essay, we will explore these two concepts and consider how they can be combined to help us achieve greater efficiency, satisfaction, and fulfillment in our work and personal lives.
Mindfulness is most commonly associated with meditation, which involves sitting quietly and focusing on the breath for a set period of time. However, mindfulness can be practiced in many different forms, such as walking, eating, or even working. It involves being fully present in the moment, paying attention to our thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment or distraction. This can be especially powerful in reducing stress, as it allows us to step back from our thoughts and emotions and simply observe them from a distance.
Deep work, on the other hand, refers to the ability to concentrate on a task for an extended period of time without being distracted. This requires eliminating or minimizing distractions like social media, email, and other notifications, and instead focusing intently on the task at hand. Deep work is valuable because it allows us to actually accomplish tasks rather than just performing them half-heartedly or superficially. It also helps us to enter into a state of flow, where we become so absorbed in our work that we lose track of time and feel pure satisfaction and purpose.
Although mindfulness and deep work may seem like opposite concepts, they can actually be complementary in practice. By practicing mindfulness, we can become more aware of our own distractions and habits, recognizing when we are about to lose concentration or become overwhelmed by stimuli. We can then use this self-awareness to create a conducive environment for deep work, such as turning off our phone, closing our email, or finding a quiet spot to work. Similarly, practicing deep work can become its own form of mindfulness meditation, allowing us to become fully absorbed in a task and relieve our minds of other distractions and worries.
Mindfulness and deep work are both crucial practices for achieving personal and professional success, happiness, and fulfillment. By practicing these two concepts in tandem, we can become more self-aware, focused, and productive, and ultimately less stressed out by the daily grind.
Using Mindfulness To Treat Depression
Depression is a serious mental illness affecting millions of people worldwide. Common symptoms of depression include sadness, lack of energy, loss of interest in daily activities, and feelings of hopelessness or helplessness. Numerous treatments for depression have been developed including medication, psychotherapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy. However, in recent years, mindfulness is being used more as a highly effective treatment for depression.
Mindfulness is a practice that involves bringing attention to the present moment while accepting any thoughts, feelings, or sensations in a non-judgmental way. It is often associated with meditation, but mindfulness can also be practiced while engaging in everyday activities, such as walking or eating. Mindfulness-based interventions typically include guided meditations, gentle stretching or yoga, or discussions to help individuals learn how to stay present, engage in self-reflection, and develop awareness of their emotions.
Several studies have examined the effectiveness of mindfulness-based interventions for treating depression, and many have found promising results. For instance, a study conducted by Segal and colleagues (2010) demonstrated that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) was as effective as medication for treating depression in participants with a history of depression who were currently in remission. MBCT was found to be superior to other treatments in preventing the recurrence of depression.
Another study conducted by Hofmann and colleagues (2010) found that mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) was associated with significant reductions in depressive symptoms in patients with chronic medical conditions. The authors also found that the benefits of MBSR were maintained over time, even six months after the intervention ended.
There are several ways in which mindfulness may help alleviate depression symptoms. Mindfulness can help individuals accept difficult experiences and make peace with them, rather than getting stuck in negative thought patterns. By focusing attention on the present moment, individuals can learn to disengage from ruminating on past events or worrying about the future. This can help reduce feelings of anxiety and distress.
In addition, mindfulness can help individuals develop a sense of calm and serenity, which can be helpful in managing the overwhelming emotions that often accompany depression. By increasing self-awareness, mindfulness can help individuals identify negative thoughts or beliefs that contribute to depressive symptoms and work to challenge and reframe them.
Using mindfulness as a treatment for depression is showing promising results. While more research is needed to fully understand the mechanisms through which mindfulness influences depressive symptoms, it is clear that mindfulness based interventions can help individuals develop skills that are useful in decreasing the crippling effects of depression.
In Defense Of A Bad Habit
Don’t just do something, sit there. -A popular mindfulness saying.
Over the holidays I was staying at a family member’s house. One afternoon I was practicing meditation and the family member (who will remain unnamed) walked into the room and asked me what I was doing.
Now look, I assume that if we come upon a person putting out a fire we know what they are doing. We don’t have to ask. I thought the same applied to a person meditating but I guess I was wrong.
I felt a wave of anger rise up in me. “Didn’t he see I was meditating?” “Why would he interrupt me with such a dumb question while I am meditating?” “Really?” Thoughts like these ran through my mind until I turned towards him and answered his question. “I am meditating, what the hell does it look like I am doing?”
“But you are just sitting there doing nothing,” he replied.
I know not to argue with the color blind about color but I told him that meditation was hardly doing nothing. A slight back and forth ensued and ended by him saying, “Well it seems like a bad habit to me.”
When he left I continued on with my meditation but what he said to me kept swimming through my mind. “Meditation is a bad habit?” “Really?” “The fact that I am sitting here following my breathing and not really doing anything on a Monday afternoon is a bad habit?” I had never contemplated these things before. I had never thought of meditation as a bad habit.
And then I thought about it some more.
The man who interrupted me is always doing something. He is continually on the go. Can’t stop until the end of the day, at which point he plops down in front of a television and soon falls asleep. Granted he is a very wealthy man, an accomplished man but a man who is always on the go. Always with some sort of problem to solve. A man in a constant state of busyness within himself.
The opposite of the kind of man I want to be.
I can see how meditation could be seen by many busy Americans as a bad habit. In America, accomplishment or achievment is what is valued most. Being and staying busy is seen as a great virtue. Hell, I often hear people talking about being busy as if they were talking about some award they just won. I have never understood this. I doubt that at the end of a life a person will be happy that they were always busy. But I could be wrong.
Everyone in America seems to be continually on the go. I mean listen to all those cars. Have you ever walked around a suburban neighborhood on a weekday afternoon? No one is hanging out. No one is home except the gardeners. We are a culture that values being on the go, making plans, doing something and staying busy. We are expert at leapfrogging over the present moment.
An idle mind is the devil’s playground is a saying I often hear espoused by those who like to stay busy. I would argue that a mind which is not allowed to idle for a period of time is the devil’s playground, but who am I to argue. I mean I spend time every day doing absolutly nothing. And I love it. It is my form of rebellion against the symptoms of busyness.
But really, a mind that is not allowed to idle will be a mind that is restless and able to find no calm or clarity. There will be little composure and a steady stream of issues and problems.
There is nothing wrong with being busy and accomplishing things. Obviously you would not be reading this if I did not value working, accomplishing and being focused on various tasks. But what is the state of mind that we want to be in while doing these things?
I realize that writing this essay is not going to ultimately make me feel calm and at peace. I also realize that all the other things I preoccupy myself with accomplishing are not going to make me feel calm and at peace. Not for long at least. It is the state of mind that we bring to whatever it is that we do which makes all the difference in what we do. It is not about waiting to be done with things to feel calm and focused but bringing this state of mind to whatever we do.
And without engaging in a practice that trains our mind to be idle, calm and focused in this overly stimulated world, our minds will be restless and all over the place, no matter what we achieve.
I don’t know about you but if I am undergoing surgery, flying on an airplane, at the dentist, with a therapist, in an Uber or engaging in any kind of interaction with another human being I would rather it be with someone whose mind is focused and calm even though they are busy and under stress. It just makes for a more quality interaction.
So, if meditation is a bad habit then I am going to defend this bad habit. It is the only bad habit I know of that restores equanimity, calm and focus to an organ (the brain) which is normally in a state of complete disarray.
And if what much of the scientific research suggests is correct, then it is only when our brain is in an equanimous and homeostatic state that all the other organs in our body can enter a state of health.
A bad habit that cultivates health and peace of mind is a bad habit I am happy to have and defend. Hopefully the society I live in will catch up soon enough and people will come to value an idle mind for brief periods of time everyday so that I will no longer have to be disturbed during my meditation practice while staying in family member’s homes.
Monster Mind
When we see a monster coming for us we know it. We don’t have to ask ourselves, “Is that a monster?” We know a monster when we see it coming and we run (unless we know it is a friendly monster). The mouth on each cheek, eyes in the back of its head, only one finger on each hand- all these things let us know that it is a monster. There is zero doubt about a monster when we see one.
But it is not so easy to recognize when we come upon a person whose mind is in such shape. Though he or she may have a great body, a perfect face, social status and be dressed very well, if their mind is disarranged it would be like they are growing hands from their head and have toes coming out of their face and chest. He or she would have a monster mind.
Often times we associate with monsters without knowing it. They are our bosses, our friends, our co-workers, our politicians, our parents, our neighbors and our partners. It could even be ourselves. Everyone knows when someone’s body appears to be very unusual but it is harder to realize when a person’s mind is twisted, warped or disarranged.
Just like we manicure our fingernails, brush our teeth and scrub our bodiesit is important that we manicure, brush and scrub our minds. If we neglect doing so we can end up with a mind that is a monster (warped, twisted or disarranged).
It is important that we are aware of our minds. That we are knowledgeable of what state our mind is in, the same way that we would know if our body or teeth were dirty.If we are not even able to be aware of the state of our mind, how can we take steps to change it? I think a monster is not aware that it is a monster. If it knew that it was a monster it would probably want to not be a monster.
It is first very important to be aware of our minds reactions to our own and other people’s actions. If we notice that our mind has become warped, twisted or disarranged (filled with judgment, worry, desire) it would be best to take steps to straighten things out.
Most people call it mindfulness. But regardless of whatever label you want to give it, mindfulness is really justactive control of your attention. Mindfulness is how we organize our mind. A monster’s attention is all over the place. Warped, twisted, disarranged and disorganized. When we become mindful we are taking control of our attention so that we can become more present and aware.
When we become present and aware we are more mindful of our five senses (our sensory experience). We don’t miss as much. We really notice things that we are hearing and seeing. We notice variations in color, shapes, textures and the various sounds that surround us. We have a heightened sense of smell and taste. We notice the action that is keeping us alive in the moment- the movement of our breathing. Our judgments, worries and desires cause us to become blind to these things and this can be because of a monster inside. By becoming more mindful we come alive.
A thief thinks he is looking all around and sees everything but really his desire makes him blind. He is unaware of his mind’s reaction to his actions; his desire dominates his mind. The very foundation of mindfulness is to be aware of our mind. To know what our mind is doing so that it does not become like a thief who ends up stealing our wellbeing and happiness away.
All we have for certain is this moment. This moment, right now. Are you fully here now? We cannot know for a fact that the next moment will come. The next moment is a fantasy in our mind. It does not exist outside our mind. This moment is real. It exists right here. So it is best to work on being fully present in this moment. When we are present and aware (not just thinking we are present and aware), we will not have a monster mind. Our mind will be clear, organized, sharp and attentive.
Please have a look at my website @ mindfulnessbasedcounseling.org
Don't Fix It, Be With It!
The vast majority of people are busy seeking a cure. Deep down people don’t want to be helped, they want to be fixed. They don’t want empowerment and strength but want things to be quick and easy. They want a fix.
William Burroughs wrote that happiness is a by product of function, purpose and conflict; those who seek happiness for itself seek victory without war. You can not just think yourself happy and actually be happy if there is not authentic happiness present. Happiness is easy. We don’t need to be taught how to be happy. Mindfulness is a practice that teaches us how to suffer well. When we continue to try and think ourselves happy we remain ill equipped in managing the hardships of life.
In the self-help industry people are looking for peace and happiness just in itself. They don’t realize that you will never be without conflict and suffering. The practice of mindfulness is to learn how to work with the suffering and as a result suffer less. We suffer less when we let little victories be enough. When suffering less is good enough. Let something help rather than always looking for a fix.
The practice of mindfulness does require continual commitment and discipline for the above reasons. To be able to be present with what is and let go again and again, requires continual practice and effort.
I think people lose their faith in mindfulness practice because they still suffer. They don’t realize that there is no end to suffering, but mindfulness helps lessen suffering. There is no being done and fixed as most want to believe. Mental health requires coming out of this fixed mindset and being ok with good enough, process, growth and the purpose that exists with just being present with what is. There is no cure. We are only done when we are dead.
The Simple Truth of Meditation Practice
I find that many people are turned off from integrating meditation in their daily lives because they are confused about what meditation is. They see meditation as having to do with things like gurus, spiritual attitudes, right versus wrong ways of living. There seems to be this idea that to be a meditator you almost have to be a religious like person firm in your beliefs. But this is not the case at all. Many great meditation teachers have been just, if not more, troubled as you and I.
Meditation in its most fundamental form has zero to do with any belief system. If a person wants to take it in that direction, nothing wrong with that. But meditation is fundamentally about relaxing the mind. Taking a certain amount of time each day to rest the mind by paying attention to what is actually happening in the PRESENT MOMENT rather than being all tangled up in JUDGMENTS or thoughts about the FUTURE and PAST. Meditation is a practice of just letting things go and becoming silent, for a little while.
It is my belief that most psychological issues that we deal with are the result of a tired mind. In the same way that if you were to over use any muscle it would begin to give you discomfort and pain, the brain is the same way. If we over use our brains with too much thinking and doing, how can we expect to not suffer psychologically as the years go by? It is not logical to think that one can remain mentally healthy and constantly refuse to rest their brain.
So, this is all meditation really is. No need for gurus and spiritual or religious belief systems, if one chooses not to engage in that way. Meditation can be just a practice of resting the brain in the present moment. Letting the brain just be. And unlike religious or even spiritual systems, when a person regularly engages in this type of meditation, they need no proof as to its positive benefit.
Continual Fear
Whether we are aware of it or not, most of us these days tend to live in a continual state of fear. Fear seems to be what is operating our mental and physical vehicles, determining the ways we live our life. Some amount of fear can be a positive thing in terms of survival and motivation but too much fear makes life one long anxiety drag.
There is a long list of fears we deal with daily. Fear of being negatively judged by others, fear of not being able to sustain what we have, fear of being found out as the person we really are, fear of being discredited, fear of not being able to remain safe and secure in a world that seems to be growing more and more insecure. And then there are the fears of our own mortality, fear of illness, fear of growing old, fear of being hurt by others, fear of being the victim of a random act of violence and on and on. With all of these continual fears going on within us, it is a wonder that many of us still seem to be holding it together.
We tend to cope with our continual fear with our smartphones, eating, booze, working, inflating our egos, drugs, various forms of entertainment, ideological belief systems, shopping and more eating. But the fear always seems to be there just under the surface. We wake up with it at 3am, it finds us mid-way through the day when things slow down. We are good sometimes at hiding from the continual fear, but it never goes away.
Living a life from a place of fear is no fun at all. It is similar to being a prisoner on the run. An unpleasant way to live the one, impermanent life we currently have. So what can we do? Is there any possible way to be free of this continual fear?
Human beings are troubled and struggling in one shape or form. To struggle and be troubled by daily existence is as human as breathing. No one on this planet suffers from perfection, even if they are really good at pretending like they do. But we do not have to be troubled and struggle to the point where we are kept up at night by our worries or we are living life as a prisoner on the run.
Our brains are plastic and our nervous systems are always open to new possibilities of learning. What this means is that we are able to change things for the better if we put in the effort. Most people tend not to like this part because the effort is not easy, and will instead reach for their smartphones or something to eat. I am guilty of this myself. But we do not have to remain confined in the same way of being, day after day.
If we do want to change things within ourselves (not suffer as much) we need to learn to inhibit our old, more destructive patterns by opening up a space between our tendency to react in the same old ways to various stimuli and the potential to do something new. Opening a space is what helps us to interrupt our old and habitual reactive patterns and respond in a new way, thus tapping into our brains plasticity (ability to respond to life differently) and our nervous systems ability to learn new ways of being.
Despite continual fear being a main staple in contemporary life, mindfulness does give us the ability to be aware of when fear has taken over, when fear is running our life and then rather than reacting to this fear in the same old way (which can snowball into complete misery), opening a space within which you can acknowledge the fear and then let the fear move through (which it will do if you let it).
Without the ability to open a space, fear has no place to go, gets blocked up and remains continual fear.